Yeah, yeah, I've been very remiss about writing and stuff. My husband has been having a cow and keeps joking about how he's going to take down the website since I never use it. I think he just likes having my take on things in a different, more permanent forum.

So here are the big things that have been going on lately:

1) Christian's niece Tracy moved in with us permanently in March. She actually lives in Christian's mom's part of the house, though. We switched from the upstairs to the downstairs, though, so she has the room that we painted for her last summer to live in. We've all wanted this for a long time, for Tracy's sake, and it seems to be working out well. Of course there's been some adjusting, but that's totally to be expected. Tracy's mom, grandpa, and best friend from Alaska have been out to visit so far, so there's definitely a lot more going on.

2) Christian had his back go out. Turns out this pain he's been feeling in his butt for about a year now is actually a bulging disk pressing on the sciatic nerve that runs down the leg. It got really, really bad and he was out of work for a while, which means we've been poor. It was hurting so bad that he actually consented to go in and get the steroid injection into the disk that makes it shrink. Last summer when he was in the hospital, he freaked out when they put the IV in him, so it was definitely a big step for him to get a big ol' needle put in his back. I know I wouldn't have wanted to do it.

3) I got sick with some mysterious illness that made me tired and achy and sore-throaty for about 5 months. Then it seemed to go away without us ever figuring out what it was. My mom has rheumatoid arthritis though, and it can come on pretty slowly, so I'm still nervous that it could be that.

4) We tried to adopt fraternal twin girls…and it didn't work out. The birth mother changed her mind after they were born. Of course that's not an uncommon thing and we had tried to not get too invested, but that was totally impossible and we were completely invested, both time wise (in terms of filling out adoption paperwork and such) and emotion wise, and it was very devastating. Christian still retains some hope that she might change her mind again (she is living at the maternity home in Fulton that used to be Christian's mom's house for three months with the babies), but I think the chances of that are totally miniscule and am trying to move on.

Accordingly, efforts to get pregnant have been stepped up. Both of us are now very very ready to have children, and I don't know that I can handle trying another adoption right now. The other day I heard someone on the radio lambasting those women who spend thousands and thousands of dollars on getting pregnant, rather than adopting one of the many kids out there that needs a family. I used to totally agree with that sentiment, but at the moment I'd rather spend some more time and money on trying to get pregnant than to try another adoption. It's stressful too, but at least there it's just capricious nature making the decisions, rather than some pregnant teenager who doesn't know what she wants. Plus there's a whole hell of a lot less paperwork and you don't have to have some social worker come poke around your house and into your history.

I'm having pretty mixed feelings about the birth mother, too. Obviously it's upsetting that some selfish drugged up kid without any support can get pregnant, and I can't, and I'm upset that she's keeping them when she doesn't totally want them, and we totally do, and we could give them such a better life. But then I put myself into her shoes, and I feel like I'm just some evil baby-stealing vulture.

Back in January, I was put on metformin, which is actually a drug for diabetics, but for some reason seems to do wonders for women with PCOS, which I (probably) have. It really shortened up my long long cycles and I thought this was going to be it, and then they got long again. So this month I'm on the metformin/clomid combo, which is supposed to be the gold standard for PCOSers. I've been on clomid by itself before too, and it's helped some as well, so hopefully the combination will do the trick. Gosh I hope so. I can't wait for these years of waiting to become nothing more than a memory.