I haven't written much lately because I've been depressed, and I usually don't feel like writing much when I'm depressed. One of my friends once told me that my periods of restlessness didn't usually show up on my online journal. Well that's because I only feel relaxed enough to write when things are going well. I guess that's why I'm not more prolific. Lately, though, I've been using this journal as more of an outlet.

Right now though there's just so much going on and I'm completely overwhelmed. Christian's sickness, the whole situation with my niece that has just exploded out of control lately, trying to get the house cleaned up and the back bedroom cleared out and cleaned and painted in case she comes, the disappointment over the continuing lack of pregnancy and Christian's low testosterone and sperm motility and my long cycles, the crazy next-door neighbor, and who knows what else that I'm forgetting to mention.

Christian is, of course, feeling bad as well and it's never fun when you're both depressed at the same time. We both have such different ways of going about it, I think we just get on each other's nerves. I get all quiet and want nothing more than to laze around the house watching TV and sleep a lot. Christian does some of that too, but he also just gets manic and works on all sorts of projects and worries about everything and beats up on himself for all the stuff he's not doing and it goes on and on and on until I just have to get away for a little while. Right now I'm at work at 1:30 am trying to relax a little bit (and get some work done while I'm at it.) I'm sure he's just as frustrated at me as I am at him for just laying around and doing nothing and not helping with all the things that need to be done, but I can only handle so much in this state.

Working on the journal has actually relaxed me some, so I guess I'm ready to go home now.

By the way, the new journal design is up and is made completely from all the digital pictures that I took while we were in Ireland. Christian thought that it was a little hard to tell what everything was on the buttons, but I really like the way it conveys that largeness and majesty of some of the things that we saw. The pictures are of, in order from top to bottom, the Giant's Causeway in Northern Ireland, looking out over the sea on the Ivaugh Peninsula in County Kerry, a typical Irish stone wall, the sea from the Aran Islands, some typical Irish countryside in Country Cork, the Cliffs of Moher, and Blarney Castle. The background picture, if you can see it, is off some pretty purple wildflowers, but is mostly just there to convey general Irish greenness. I like it.