I've been reading a couple of John Irving books lately, and I must say I am quite enjoying them. The way they are written is extremely powerful. They cover people's lives from childhood on, through large periods of time. They delve deeply not just into the main character, but into the people surrounding the main character. They aren't just three dimensional, they are four and five dimensional. If there were books written about each person's life, that's how I imagine they would be. They aren't like biographies that look back on a life through the eyes of the future. But then again, it's not like they are just looking through the eyes of the past or present either. It's like looking at each moment at the same time. Maybe that's the way God sees us.

That's why I can never imagine really feeling old. And by old, I mean old in a bad way, where all you can see is the past and the mistakes and the age. Where you look around you and feel out of fashion, dried out, pointless. It's a mystery to me, how people can feel that way. I know people who do feel old are thinking, "oh you just wait." Some have said as much to me before. And as I grow older (if 22 could be called older) I am starting to see their point somewhat. The other day I was on a website that had a section for teens and I looked at it and though, "I'm not a teen anymore. I'm not even close to a teen anymore. That's a phase that's completely gone now, and there's no chance to do anything more about it." My body is beginning the breakdown. My knees sometimes hurt when I go up stairs and there are many days where my back aches. So I can imagine the reasons why people feel old, but I still can't imagine the feeling itself. I don't think I ever really will, it's just not the way I'm made.

I've had a great many bad things happen to me, and some really wonderful things as well. I've failed at many things, and I've accomplished a lot. Add all that together and you get a life. It's the one thing in this world that I've had the biggest hand in creating. I'm happy to have lived it. The older I get, the richer it gets. The more marvelous a creation it becomes. When I'm on my deathbed, I'll be able to look back at it and be the happiest I've ever been. I look forward to it. My life would make a pretty good book. Yours would too.